Tuesday, July 16, 2013

"Pregnant"!/scariest day ever

AHHHH!!! Still cannot even believe it!

It has been a few weeks since we saw those words "pregnant" on the first pregnancy test I've ever taken.  It was a random Sunday night and my breasts (yep I said it) were feeling SO sore and swollen.  I was about two days late which was completely normal for me because I'm never regular.  We'd have a very relaxing day/night, and I just stood up from the couch (around 10 pm) and said, "I'm gonna go take a pregnancy test just for fun".  Apparently, Ben didn't even hear me say that.  I had a test in the ovulation kit I had bought because we had planned to start "trying" at the end of June.  When I took the test and saw "pregnant" I felt like I was watching the new Huggies commercial where the couple gets excited that they're pregnant and then says "Now what do we do??"... I walked slowly into the living room (mouth dragging the floor) and just held up the test.  Ben quickly said, "WHAT???".. HA  So, not knowing what to do next, we jumped in the car and drove to wal-mart neighborhood market.  I took three more tests that night---all read "PREGNANT"... I continued to take a test a day for the next five days!  I was in disbelief!  Of course we weren't trying to PREVENT baby Willard from happening, but I was just in shock that it happened so quickly---on the FIRST time!  I had been worrying for months that it would take us years to get pregnant.  So much, that I was starting to stress over it quite a bit.

I can't help but think (every time I think about this little lentil bean.. which is pretty much every second) about how TRULY BLESSED we are.  And when I say blessed, I'm not saying it nonchalantly. I mean down right BLESSED by the our living Lord.  I know so many people who have tried and tried to get pregnant, and i was convinced that would be me.  I have no idea why the Lord chose to bless us with the amazing miracle so quickly, but I have promised Him I will not take this blessing for granted.  I pray so diligently for those sweet mommy wanna-bes that He would bless their deserving hearts as well.  I seriously tear up every time I think about the fact that I was chosen to carry a child.  Ben and I were with our friends Sarah and Jared last night for dinner--and I couldn't help but look at little Hudson and think of what a miracle it is that this baby inside of me is the size of a lentil bean right now, but will soon be sitting beside me in his or her carseat.  AHHHHH!  Thank you Jesus for your tiny yet so amazingly HUGE miracles.

Oh.. Can I just take a few minutes to say how ADORABLE it is how excited Ben Willard is about this baby!!! He is SOOOOOO stinkin' excited (I was a little worried he was more excited than I am, but then I thought nah--not possible).  He is all about reading reviews on things, looking for baby stuff, and even talking to the tiny nugget already.  I LOVE it!

I had a slight (well if you know me you know nothing is small... I usually tend to dramatize things) scare today.  I woke up around 9 (woooo hoooo for sleeping in), and was spotting when I went to the bathroom.  I knew the doctors had said this is completely normal (as well as the 3 books I'm reading).  I ran a few errands, and then got to school around 11:30 to work on my classroom.  When I went to the bathroom then there was more bleeding and some in my underwear (still not the bright red freak out kind of blood but getting pinker and heavier).  Ahh... i took deep breaths.. and tried not to freak and sent the pic to a few people (definitely TMI but I knew they were all people who love me and baby Willard).  About an hour later it was bleeding pretty excessively (I'm still trying not to freak at this point), and a few people said I should just call the doctor to reassure myself everything was okay.  When I called and explained how long I had been bleeding THEY panicked me...  The girl asked how far away I was.. I said about 15 minutes and she said "Leave right now".  ahhhhhhh.  Luckily, Meredith had just showed up at school to check on me and took this nervous wreck mommy-to-be to the doctor (best friend ever.........seriously, so thankful for her every single day).  We prayed on the way to the hospital... can I just say again how thankful I am to have a best friend that loves me for me, is there for me, who has such a big heart, who seeks the Lord's will, and who I can just be a complete idiot with.......      Ben met us there (he made it in record time which is scary enough).  I had an ultrasound then met with the doctor.  Apparently the site of implantation at my uterus hadn't healed up and there was a pocket of bleeding next to the placenta.  Everything other than that looked good!-baby's heart rate was 167... and when they did measurements (just as Dawn Hellard had also told me when she measured) it appeared they that the original due date wrong... so baby's expected due date is March 2!  Thankfully I freaked out most of my family for nothing---well not nothing it was still super scary.  I can't work out for two weeks... gerrrrrrrrr... just to give the implantation area time to heal and HOPEFULLY the bleeding will stop.  Could have been MUCH worse.  Possibly one of the top 5 scariest days of my life.  Thankful for so many people who surround me with love, prayers, and support daily.  You know who you are!! Prayers answered... yet again.  Thankful to serve such a faithful and delivering God.

Another plus side I've noticed from my pregnancy (Ben prefers me to call it OUR pregnancy.. yeah buddy you can take on this constant nausea any time ya want)... I feel like I've already become much closer to my sister and sister-in-law.  Since they both have kids and I don't (yet), we don't always have the same things on our minds or have as much to talk about.  The Lord is making these relationships stronger and I am so thankful.
It has been hard the past couple of years being 4 hours away from my family. I has definitely put a strain on the relationships with my mom and sister.  I am so blessed to have a sister who cares so much about me and wishes so much happiness upon me.  I love that we can now share in motherhood together.  What a blessing.

Wooo hoooooooooo for baby WILLARD!!!!! longest blog post ever is now complete! :)  Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement!!!