Thursday, March 12, 2015

"how old is she?" "ummm... ONE YEAR OLD" WAH WAH WAH

Oh, Millie...
I've sat down to write this too many times to count.  I got so overwhelmed with: where to start, what to say, how i'd keep it all together and not ruin the computer with my tears.
But, I wanted it to get done, so here goes..

A YEAR???  Let me say, I have a whole new way of thinking for what a year means.  365 days.  I have loved you for 365 days... yet so many more than that! I loved you before I even knew I was pregnant--i loved you as soon as your daddy and I decided we were ready to have a baby, before I went to the doctor and found out you were real, before Mrs. Dawn showed us you were a girl, before I felt you kick, before I felt your hiccups inside my belly that didn't grow very much, before you started running out of room in there, before I felt the first contraction, before the epidural (ha), before I heard your first cry, and before they handed you to me and i drenched you in my tears.  I remember thinking how perfect every little part of you was that night, and I still feel that way today (in a healthy not spoiling my child kind of way).  So enough about infant, teeny tiny little Millie.  Let's move on to what ONE YEAR HAS BROUGHT FOR YOU!!!!

Ahhhhhhhh! What can you do??:
-walk all over the place
-talk talk talk talk...
-you know how to throw a fit (working on time out)
-hold our hand
-turn on/off a light
-shut the door
-wave bye bye
-sprint--hahahah soon funny--you stick your head down and go!
-dance (all the time)
-sing parts of abc song
-hum... mainly to wheels on the bus, abc song, twinkle twinkle... you do it lots in the bath and laying in your crib
-you soothe yourself to sleep: our new routine for naps/bed time is to read  I Love You Through and Through, you close it, we say "all done", turn off the lamp, I sing twinkle twinkle three times (sorry you hear my voice so much but for some reason you like it.. ha.. promise you'll learn there are better singers out there), then i say either "nap nap time millie" or "night night time millie" in your ear and put you down.  You're usually asleep within 2 minutes.
-you are so strong--you carry around the heaviest toys!

You're saying:
mama, dada, OKAY, uh huh, ugh oh, yes, no, bye, hi, hi dad, here ya go, hi dare, woahhhh, wow, ahhhh done (all done)

You love: your doc mcstuffins car, straws, your new comfy chair, your coop car, wagon, tent in the living room and all of your stuffed animals, playing with belts in my closet, your baby dolls, sitting on the couch by yourself, talking to emjay (she was inside with us quite a bit with all of the snow), books books books, singing with the tv, singing veggie tales in the car, your new car seat, being tickled, taking off people's glasses, jewelry, having the blinds open, hiding in the curtains, snuggling, giving love, eye lashes, phones, remotes, CORDS (AHHH), playing in the cabinets/bowls/tupperware, your magnetic letters and bus that sings on the refrigerator, to sit with me while i get ready, playing on the treadmill, bath time (your mermaid)---you are no longer a fan of having lotion rubbed on you, though

Your favorite foods: strawberries--every meal, sweet potatoes/fries, mac and cheese, water, spaghetti and meatballs, yogurt, goldfish, apple sauce, and honest fruit punch juice

What else:
-your naps are now at least TWO HOURS LONG! WHAAAAAT??
-you've slept through the night a few times.. three nights to be exact.. ha
-you weigh 19.8 pounds (tiny gal)
-size 4 diapers
12-18 m clothes (shirts are still kind of big)
-you like to help "put things away" and say here ya go over and over

So.... i thought about doing a separate post about this, but I guess I should explain when your naps/sleeping habits changed.  As of today, it has been 8 days since I last nursed you.  I honestly could not have imagined how hard this would be for me.  Maybe it's because it was much easier for you to wean than I expected?  You've handled it like a champ.  Me, not so much.
How'd it go?
We had your one year check up on Wednesday, the 25th and got the okay for whole milk.  So, on Thursday I let you try it in a sippy cup.  You weren't very interested.  I dropped the first feeding that afternoon.  You were a little whiny but I gave you water and goldfish and you were on your way.  The next day I skipped the same feeding.  Nothing dramatic from you that day, either.  Saturday, I did not feed you mid-morning or the afternoon feeding.  The morning was a little more challenging, but I was able to distract you.  Sunday we skipped morning, lunch, and afternoon.  I was starting to realize you were catching on much quicker than I thought, and could feel the emotions rising in me.  I started paying much better attention at our before bath nursing time.  (tears are coming now as I type)
I started watching you and closing my eyes trying to soak it all in.
Ben told me, "Write down what the experience is like for you so you don't forget the little things"... Which I wish i had written more in the journal i'm keeping for you along the way.  So, I did write it down.... here's what I wrote:
Oh, sweet millie.  I never knew how much I would love these sweet moments we get to spend just the two of us.  There's no one else that gets to have this sweet bond with you.  You "need" me and that makes my heart swell with joy.  Being your momma is the most special gift the Lord has given me, but being able to nurse you this long makes it even sweeter.  I am so thankful to have been able to do this for you (nothing I did of course, all God, there).  The way your little body stretches across my lap--amazing how you just got longer and longer without me realizing--before I knew it your feet were reaching across the chair arm.  The way you lay your hand on my chest as you nurse.  MELTS ME EVERY TIME.  The little sounds that come from you.  I remember how much I loved when you were smaller how the milk would dribble down your chin and you would just pass out on me.  The smack you started doing the past few months when you were done.  Then you would pop straight up and start chattering almost like saying "THANKS MOM! I'M DONE NOW!".... Just the silence that overwhelms the room during those few short minutes.  It's just you and me, kiddo.  I can never tell you the feeling it would give me to be able to share this with you.  Thankful does not begin to describe it.
You had gotten much better about not waking up as much throughout the night.  The 10:30 dream feed time that you never grew out of was our last feeding to tackle.  This was the one I had been worrying about the past few weeks because I just knew it would be impossible to get you out of it.  You had actually been sleeping through it the past two nights, but Wednesday you woke up around 11 pm screaming!  I had fallen asleep, but heard you on the monitor and sat straight up in bed.  I felt my chest tighten up and for some reason the Lord let me know that this was going to be the last time.  I promise you I almost threw up because I felt so many different things and knew there was no way I could change that this was going to be it.  I started crying before I even made it out of my bedroom door.  I scooped you up out of your crib, turned on the lamp, and nursed you.  Tears all over the place, thinking about all the times we had sat in that chair--just the two of us-- I rocked and cried and sang and cried..... then you were done and started snoozing right away.  I did not want to put you back in that crib.  I sat there rocking and crying and thinking and praying for at least 30 minutes (you only nursed for about 2 minutes).  I put you down and said out loud, "thank you sweet Jesus for this".  I went back to bed and your daddy was sitting up in bed waiting on me.  Apparently, I was crying so much he had to turn the monitor off.  oops.  he sat there with me and let me cry and talked me down to calmness.
The next morning I had a sweet peace that we were done, but you still weren't taking much milk.  tone-tone talked me into putting a drop of chocolate in it, and you've been good to go since then!  Way to go Millie Everett!!! SO SO PROUD OF YOU!!

To say I'm proud to be your momma is an understatement! I love you more than I could ever tell you, Millie Willard.  Thank you for letting me love you!  I am so excited to see how much you grow, what you learn, watch you experience life, and watch you learn how to love in this next year!

post about your birthday party & actual birthday coming eventually ;)