I don't feel like much has changed since my 38 week update. Well, wait. Yes it has. I'M SWOLLEN LIKE CRAZZZZZY.. Seriously---I've never had the smallest legs in the world, but I'm starting to wonder if they will ever go back to their "normal" size.... I mean they're so big they scare me. I feel like "mama" on mama's family who can't keep her panty hose rolled up her legs. None of my maternity pants fit because my legs have gotten so big.
Also, small tasks have become BIG tasks.... like earlier I saw a ball of fuzz/EmJay fur on the bathroom floor and thought.. "sick I need to pick that up"... so I bent over and couldn't reach it. haha... I laughed for a few minutes at that.
My belly button is doing this weird thing where it isn't in or out.... it's just there at surface level. It looks super alien-ish.
Sleep has been difficult... I wake up.. WIDE awake at 3 am every. stinkin. morning.
Also- there's lots of pressure on my hips/back so I've been using a heating pad as much as possible!
The best part about being 39 weeks pregnant is knowing that in AT least 14 days I will have a baby... because my doctor says he won't let me go over 41 weeks.... I'm convincing myself every day that that is a good thing & that it's good for Millie, but sheesh. This girl is READ-Y.
Last night I had a bit of a panic moment.. okay a BIG panic moment about labor/delivery. There's just so much "unknown" and I am such a control freak who likes to know how every little moment is going to play out..... Not knowing what it is going to feel like or what kind of a delivery it will be is so scary to me. I'm even scared of getting an IV put in my arm!!! Pansy? YES! I've never had an IV in my arm and I have certainly never given birth. I think TOO MANY people have so freely (don't ya just love that about being pregnant) shared their horror stories with me that I'm letting them overshadow what a joy it is going to be to finally hold my sweet, perfect daughter! I just continue to pray that the Lord will protect me and Millie just as He has the past 9 months!
I will admit, I have complained quite a bit throughout the course of my pregnancy, but I have also been downright grateful to God at SO many points because I still can't believe that I was chosen to carry this child. I can't believe that this HUGE miracle is happening inside of me. I can't believe that we have both been so healthy this whole time. I can't believe that I get to be a momma. I can't believe He chose me to raise a daughter. HE CHOSE ME. I'm thankful that the Lord continues to choose me just as He has so many times throughout my life. What a graceful(L) God I serve. He continues to give me so much more than I deserve....to be honest I don't deserve a single thing. For this child I am thankful!!!!!!
I go back to the doctor tomorrow................................ I've decided that this week I'm just going to take what he says and deal with it. I'm not going to let it discourage me because this is all playing out the way the Lord designed it. I had no idea when I woke up on June 24th that Ben and I would find out we were pregnant at 10 pm that night. I think the day I go into labor will be just as much of a surprise.... It's God's moment to create. It has nothing to do with my selfish desires to not be swollen, or to be able to see my feet, or to be able to eat sushi or whiten my teeth, or to be able to wear normal clothes again.... After all...He's got the whole world in His hands, right?! This is His story... I'm just thankful to be able to play a role in it!
Friday was Valentine's day.... (duh)... and we had our class party scheduled for 2:00. Well.. the sweet mommas in my room and my students mixed in a surprise shower for me! Ahhh... tears just thinking about it. It was the most precious thing just to see how excited my students were, and how they couldn't wait to give me their gifts for Millie! They seriously love her so much! I can't wait for them to meet her..... waaaaayyyy later when flu stuff is far far away haha...
I have been truly blessed to have these students--and certainly their parents-- the past TWO years. Looping is a scary thing when you think about the make up of the students, but there's not one that I would wish out of our group if I could. I love all 23 of them to pieces. I can honestly say that I would do anything for them... there are a few I wish I could bring home to raise on my own.. :(.
It is going to be so hard at the end of this year to have them leave me (especially since our school only goes to 3rd grade... they'll be going to a different building). I feel like they are "mine" and can't imagine letting them go!!! ahh... I especially can't imagine it with these pregnancy hormones ;)
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