Oh, darling don't you ever grow up. 11 months old!

Okay, MILLIE WILLARD.  You are WAY too close to one year old.
Wasn't I just walking into the living room on a random Sunday night at 10 pm, mouth dragging the floor, eyes bugged out.. looking at your daddy like a deer in headlights as I said, "Ummm can you take me to Wal-Mart??".. then, as I further explained, he said "no way... oh, wait.. YOU'RE SERIOUS?!".... (THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT PREGNANCY TEST THAT WAS IN OUR WHITE ELEPHANT GIFT AT SMALL GROUP CHRISTMAS PARTY)..haha.. took five pregnancy tests that night!   Wasn't I just sitting in the ultrasound room with Dawn seeing you for the first time??  Wasn't I just sitting on an airplane for two hours trying to leave NYC puking in a paper bag? (that one was great fun)..  Wasn't I just watching and feeling your little feet and knees poking through my belly?  Wasn't I JUST soaking in the bath at midnight in denial that I was in labor???????
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???

I guess that is enough sulking for now.  Let's move on to the happies.....

*What's new with you:
-love to put things on your wrist.. toilet paper rolls, stacking rings, my old bangles.. and after you put them on you wave your little hands like miss america..
-"tank yewwww" (thank you)
-"Hi" and wave
-I taught you "shhhh" and to put your finger over your mouth when you make the sound.  so cute!.. you do it so dramatically!
-"oh, wow"
-"awwww" and lay your head on us or against us and pat our back/leg/whatever
-"reading" and point at things in books all the time
-playing in the tupperware drawer in the kitchen
-you throw things down (on purpose) and say "uh ohhhh"... yeah it was cute the first couple of times...ha
-banging on the tray when you want more food
-trying to suck your food up by putting your head on the high chair tray.. such a lady, you are.
-you like to sit on the couch like a big girl
-singing along to mickey mouse
-you like to turn lights on and off
-you play really well on your own
-you don't realize it and stand up underneath the table and bonk your head every stinkin time
-love to brush your teeth
-put everything up to your ear and say "hewwwwooooo" like it's a phone
-hold the remotes and point them to the tv
-you are obsessed with my makeup and pretend you are putting it on...and you always put the hair brush up to your head
-you get your socks and hold your feet up (you know where they go :))
-you tried a real "DESSERT" for the first time: chick fil a cookies--- such a mess but you enjoyed!
-your daddy sniffs your feet, says shewwww weeeeeee, and you giggle like crazy
-you climb on everything
-you threw a real tantrum a few weeks ago (but haven't really had one quite that bad since)... like screamed and hit your hands on your legs over and over because I wouldn't push you anymore on your elephant... emily was here so I was SUPER embarrassed and got really sweaty. ha.
-you. love. to. dance.... anytime there's music on you stop what you're doing to wiggle.. we recently discovered "bug band" on hulu and that is super fun to watch you interact with!

*What else:
-still size 4 diapers (we use Pampers baby dry)
-super curly hair..
-mostly 12m clothes (some are too short, but the shirts are gapping at the neck)
-you love strawberries, peaches, chicken noodle soup, mac n cheese, juice, potatoes, sweet potato fries, turkey, chicken, toast, scrambled eggs, ritz crackers, honey nut cheerios, kix, vanilla wafers
-12-18m shoes/size 3/4
-not a fan of bows or anything on your head anymore (sad times for mommy)
-you still reallllllyyyy love bath time!
-you slept through the night for about 2 weeks.. now we are kinda off again.. (waking at 10:30, 12:30, 3:30 and 5)... but you still take 2 one hour naps each day (you boycotted your afternoon nap for about a week and a half)
-still sleep with a sound machine
-love to be in the laundry room
-love swinging (the weather has been super nice so we've had lots of walks with friends and been to the park quite a bit!)
-you've taken steps here and there but still not walking all over the place
-your crawl has turned into something comical... you straighten your arms and legs--walk on your tiptoes and palms with your butt up in the air...
-you love to wave and say hi to everyone in stores


You have me wrapped around all 10 of your little fingers (your daddy, too).  Every single day I wake up and am so thankful I get to spend it with you!  I never know what to expect, which makes it even more fun!

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

Every Good and Perfect Gift is From Above

You are our gift, Millie Willard. EVERY DAY, you are our gift.

Every single day is different with you in it.  I feel like you learn something (or a couple somethings) new every day.  It amazes me how quickly you catch on to things.  I say something once and you repeat it 50 times.  The other day I said "uh oh" and you said it at least 10 times right after.  You also say "wow" continuously.  As of last week, you say "HI' in the most precious sweet voice I have ever heard and throw your right hand in the air. (all day every day) and you usually look at the door and say "Hi dad" thinking it is time for your daddy to come home.  I think you anticipate him coming home all day long.  Also, we decided if you could say "woof" in association with a dog (and point to emjay and say dah dah--dog-- and "woof" then you were ready to move on to other animals.  So one night we showed you the cow on your animal puzzle and said "moo"... the next morning you grabbed the cow off of your shape sorter...crawled it over to the cow on your busy town and said moo moo over and over until i looked at you.  I didn't even know there was a cow on the busy town!  That's how quickly you catch on.  You noticed the cow in one of your books and said moo.  A few days later I tried to move on to the pig and said "oink" you looked at me like a crazy person and now you giggle every time I say it. ha!
Walking..... yep. You're walking.  On January 10 you took 6 steps... and on January 14 you took 12!!.. I can't explain why but the instant you took those 6 steps I looked at you and you looked completely different.  Your daddy and I were just talking last night and wondering if it matters how hard we try to mark these things in our memory if in 10..20..30 years if we will still be able to picture your tiny baby self and what it looked like to see you and watch you do these things.  We so badly want to be able to remember the details.  You are so beautiful.  Your voice is my favorite sound in the whole world.  You rarely let me rock you to sleep anymore. You get so wiggly and I just have to end up putting you in the crib and you fall asleep.  So sad for me.  but... the other night you fell asleep on my chest and you better believe I sat there until my leg went numb. tears all down my face.

I've started planning your first birthday party and I believe I'm somewhat in denial that this is reality.  I feel like I was just putting a nursery together, watching my belly move in the bathtub, running to the bathroom at school to throw up (ha), holding you in the hospital while your daddy slept not wanting to send you to the nursery because I couldn't stop staring at you, giving you your first bath, rocking you for the first time in your nursery, taking you to church for the first time, or being scared to touch your little belly button or change your clothes.... where did those days go???? I'm so afraid I will forget those tiny yet BIG memories.  I don't want to forget!  I want to be able to tell you all the little details even though I know you will roll your eyes and ignore me until you're a first time momma who had no idea she could love a human being so much.  I just want to scoop you up and beg you to love me and beg you to let me be close to you when you are a teenager and i'm not cool anymore! Ahhh! I'm about to be the momma of a one year old.  disbelief.  seriously.  Ordered your new car seat two weeks ago. yep. denial.

Christmas was so fun with you, millie.  You said "wow" to every little thing.   It was my favorite Christmas in the history of ever having you here with us and to see the joy across your little face.  You paid attention to the smallest little details and it really made me slow down to soak it all in and think about what Christmas really is.  Thank you.

Uncle Wayne told me something while we were at Nanny and Papaw's for Christmas that I will never forget.  I, in true emotional Jamie fashion, walked around the yard and could not stop crying thinking about missing Nanny.  I kept thinking about every year of my life being there on Christmas Eve and Christmas, helping her decorate her tiny tree, and what she did to make every holiday everything every one of us dreamed it to be.  She was/is so amazing.  I cried because I wanted my Nanny there. I wanted her to tell me that I could make the cheese dip so it would be ready when everyone else got there on Christmas Eve night.  I wanted her to tell me she had my special pecan pie sitting on the table in the front bead room.  I wanted her to be there.   I wanted her sitting right there on the couch we had just been sitting on where she always was talking with her hands and telling stories in her long southern drawl with her slippers on her feet.  I remembered the Christmas after she was "cancer free" from breast cancer when Wendi got us all pink pearl bracelets....   I wanted to walk in the bedroom to see her sitting on the bed opening her Christmas gifts in private so that Papaw wouldn't know how much money she got and she could hide it somewhere in the house from him.  Then I remembered that last year she had opened her gifts at the kitchen table (on the opposite end from him.. which wasn't like her at all)... and I remembered I sat right beside her and she asked me to help her open every single gift because she said her hands hurt too much.  Ben was the first to see me crying.. then uncle wayne.  Millie was standing in the back of the tailgate and he asked what was wrong with me.. I said "I just miss her.  It isn't fair.  She should be here" and he said "she's right there.  Just look in those eyes.  There she is (and pointed to Millie)"   Yep.  The Lord called Nanny home with him but he gave me you to fill my heart back up with joy.  He always knows what we need.


Your dainty little curls on the back of your head, your sky blue eyes, your tiny little finger nails, chubby long feet that you crunch up every time I try to put shoes on you, your hands that clap constantly, your squishy little booty, sweet baby scrunched nose that you have just discovered the holes on and love to put your fingers in, your rolls on your thighs, your milk gut, and your arms that you wrap around my neck to give me love...... those are my daily gifts.

I love you every day, Millie Willard.