Every Good and Perfect Gift is From Above

You are our gift, Millie Willard. EVERY DAY, you are our gift.

Every single day is different with you in it.  I feel like you learn something (or a couple somethings) new every day.  It amazes me how quickly you catch on to things.  I say something once and you repeat it 50 times.  The other day I said "uh oh" and you said it at least 10 times right after.  You also say "wow" continuously.  As of last week, you say "HI' in the most precious sweet voice I have ever heard and throw your right hand in the air. (all day every day) and you usually look at the door and say "Hi dad" thinking it is time for your daddy to come home.  I think you anticipate him coming home all day long.  Also, we decided if you could say "woof" in association with a dog (and point to emjay and say dah dah--dog-- and "woof" then you were ready to move on to other animals.  So one night we showed you the cow on your animal puzzle and said "moo"... the next morning you grabbed the cow off of your shape sorter...crawled it over to the cow on your busy town and said moo moo over and over until i looked at you.  I didn't even know there was a cow on the busy town!  That's how quickly you catch on.  You noticed the cow in one of your books and said moo.  A few days later I tried to move on to the pig and said "oink" you looked at me like a crazy person and now you giggle every time I say it. ha!
Walking..... yep. You're walking.  On January 10 you took 6 steps... and on January 14 you took 12!!.. I can't explain why but the instant you took those 6 steps I looked at you and you looked completely different.  Your daddy and I were just talking last night and wondering if it matters how hard we try to mark these things in our memory if in 10..20..30 years if we will still be able to picture your tiny baby self and what it looked like to see you and watch you do these things.  We so badly want to be able to remember the details.  You are so beautiful.  Your voice is my favorite sound in the whole world.  You rarely let me rock you to sleep anymore. You get so wiggly and I just have to end up putting you in the crib and you fall asleep.  So sad for me.  but... the other night you fell asleep on my chest and you better believe I sat there until my leg went numb. tears all down my face.

I've started planning your first birthday party and I believe I'm somewhat in denial that this is reality.  I feel like I was just putting a nursery together, watching my belly move in the bathtub, running to the bathroom at school to throw up (ha), holding you in the hospital while your daddy slept not wanting to send you to the nursery because I couldn't stop staring at you, giving you your first bath, rocking you for the first time in your nursery, taking you to church for the first time, or being scared to touch your little belly button or change your clothes.... where did those days go???? I'm so afraid I will forget those tiny yet BIG memories.  I don't want to forget!  I want to be able to tell you all the little details even though I know you will roll your eyes and ignore me until you're a first time momma who had no idea she could love a human being so much.  I just want to scoop you up and beg you to love me and beg you to let me be close to you when you are a teenager and i'm not cool anymore! Ahhh! I'm about to be the momma of a one year old.  disbelief.  seriously.  Ordered your new car seat two weeks ago. yep. denial.

Christmas was so fun with you, millie.  You said "wow" to every little thing.   It was my favorite Christmas in the history of ever having you here with us and to see the joy across your little face.  You paid attention to the smallest little details and it really made me slow down to soak it all in and think about what Christmas really is.  Thank you.

Uncle Wayne told me something while we were at Nanny and Papaw's for Christmas that I will never forget.  I, in true emotional Jamie fashion, walked around the yard and could not stop crying thinking about missing Nanny.  I kept thinking about every year of my life being there on Christmas Eve and Christmas, helping her decorate her tiny tree, and what she did to make every holiday everything every one of us dreamed it to be.  She was/is so amazing.  I cried because I wanted my Nanny there. I wanted her to tell me that I could make the cheese dip so it would be ready when everyone else got there on Christmas Eve night.  I wanted her to tell me she had my special pecan pie sitting on the table in the front bead room.  I wanted her to be there.   I wanted her sitting right there on the couch we had just been sitting on where she always was talking with her hands and telling stories in her long southern drawl with her slippers on her feet.  I remembered the Christmas after she was "cancer free" from breast cancer when Wendi got us all pink pearl bracelets....   I wanted to walk in the bedroom to see her sitting on the bed opening her Christmas gifts in private so that Papaw wouldn't know how much money she got and she could hide it somewhere in the house from him.  Then I remembered that last year she had opened her gifts at the kitchen table (on the opposite end from him.. which wasn't like her at all)... and I remembered I sat right beside her and she asked me to help her open every single gift because she said her hands hurt too much.  Ben was the first to see me crying.. then uncle wayne.  Millie was standing in the back of the tailgate and he asked what was wrong with me.. I said "I just miss her.  It isn't fair.  She should be here" and he said "she's right there.  Just look in those eyes.  There she is (and pointed to Millie)"   Yep.  The Lord called Nanny home with him but he gave me you to fill my heart back up with joy.  He always knows what we need.


Your dainty little curls on the back of your head, your sky blue eyes, your tiny little finger nails, chubby long feet that you crunch up every time I try to put shoes on you, your hands that clap constantly, your squishy little booty, sweet baby scrunched nose that you have just discovered the holes on and love to put your fingers in, your rolls on your thighs, your milk gut, and your arms that you wrap around my neck to give me love...... those are my daily gifts.

I love you every day, Millie Willard.