4 months..When you love what you have, you have everything you need.

I can't even believe the 23rd of June is already here.  I also can't believe that Millie Willard is already 4 months old.  That's way too close to 6 months.. which is WAY too close to 12 months.  Can't even deal with all this!

The days between month 3 and 4 seemed like a haze!  Millie- you changed so stinkin' much the past two weeks.  You are a completely different kid.
Before I start listing all the ways you have changed and how completely brilliant you are let me tell you my absolute favorite thing that you have started doing.  First of all, I kiss your cheeks.. a lot.  Like an unhealthy amount of times a day.. Now, when I lean in to kiss you--you grab my cheeks and oh my gracious heavens it makes my heart do this little flutter/pitter patter and I smile instantly.
Also, your chunkiness seems to have quadrupled the past few days.  It's amazing.  I love it.  I love every single little roll and crevice.  You are a chunky ball of pure cuteness.

At 4 months:
-your sleep pattern is a little off-kilter  :/... it's okay.. really.  I mean I can function off of 3 hours of sleep (combined.. here and there... I'll take what I can get).  We have slowly started pushing your bed time back and you are going to sleep around 8:15 now.. instead of 7.. and you aren't a terror when it's time for bed like you used to be! WAY TO GO, SIS!  You typically wake up around 11 (eat.. a lot.. I started feeding you with a bottle at this time to see how much you were eating), then again around 1:30... then 3:30...then 6 :) ha.. yeah it's fun times.. but actually last night you slept from 8-3:30 (I'm thinking it's because of the fact that you literally spent hours at the pool. Maybe we should go to the pool every day?  Wouldn't bother this tanning addict of a mom you have!

-you LOVE taking a bath
-you are rolling from belly to back/and have almost mastered back to belly--that one arm just gets in your way and you're trying so hard to figure it out!
-you "talk".. A LOT!
-you kick alllll the time.. no matter where you are, what you're sitting in..
-your cheeks are major chunky (so presh)
-you LOVE your jumper
-you chew/gnaw on EVERYTHING!
-you DROOL like a rushing fountain
-sophie the giraffe is your bestie
-you love being in the pool
-you do this adorable huge (mouth wide open) smile when I walk over to get you out of your swing
(you still really love your swing)
-you love to sleep on your side.. but it scares mommy
-you love mommy & daddy's bed :/ (we only put you in our bed in the mornings)
-you love for daddy to carry you in the jeep carrier
-you love to have your hair brushed
-when we put your pacifier in your mouth and you rub your giraffe lovie across your face a few times you are usually asleep within like two minutes
-you still sleep with a sound machine
-you are starting to take a little interest in EmJay... :)
-you look around the room at things
-you HOLD YOUR OWN BOTTLE way too often
-you love for mommy to read to you
-you like TV.. a little too much ;/
-you reach for lots of things
-your hair is finally growing back on top (blonde) so hopefully your mullet won't be as noticable!!
-you are wearing 6 month clothes
-you weigh about 13.8 pounds
-you still can't wear shoes.. your feet are too long and skinny :)
-and......you HATE being in the carseat too long... the trip to Florida should be interesting.. (ha really it's just hit or miss.. sometimes you are completely content.. others it's like King Kong is coming out in you and it terrifies me.. and usually makes me cry)

I'm sure you're wondering about the title of this post.  One of the best things about you being 4 months old is because this month brought something very new and scary.. yet very exciting for you, daddy, and mommy.  I decided to take the year off from the most amazing job I could ever ask for to stay home with you! YEP!!  Millie, this was one of the most difficult decisions I (and your dad) have ever had to make.  I am absolutely grateful for my job with every ounce of my being.  Jesus truly blessed me when he led me to the door of Williams Elementary with my resume and portfolio back in 2009.  Every morning that I turned the key to unlock the door of the school (I was usually one of the first people there ha), I knew it was right where I was supposed to be.  When I went to tell Mrs. Gardenhire (my principal) that your dad and I had made the decision for me to stay home with you, I could barely speak because of the tears.  However, it was hard for me to imagine a whole school year away from you.  All I could think about were all of your "firsts" that I would miss.  I am not saying that it is ever easy for anyone to leave their children to go to work.  What I'm saying is, just like Jesus blessed me with that amazing job, He is also blessing us by paving the way, leading us down this new path and making it (monetarily) possible for me to stay home with you!  And He IS paving the way.  That's where the title comes in.  With some inspiration from a dear friend, I decided to open a small online/social media "shop" called "Hot Glue and Paint, Too".  I've been selling paintings and hair accessories.  My friend Jordyn asked me to paint a sign that said, "When you love what you have, you have everything you need."  HOW TRUE.  For me to stay home with you, our lifestyles are going to have to change.  I had been titling it as "making sacrifices", but I don't think that's a fair term because nothing that we are "giving up" is worth  anything close to what I will be getting to experience with you, sweet girl.   I love everything about being home with you so far.  It is great to have small reminders throughout our day-to-day routine to remind us that a simple life is a happy life.  I LOVE WHAT I HAVE!  I love you, Millie Willard!!!


We took a mini family vacay to the lake this weekend.  YOU LOVED THE POOL.  it was so much fun to watch you and play with you!

The days between month 3 and 4 also brought numerous tears.  I already get super emotional thinking about you growing and changing and all that comes with all of the whole "they don't stay little for long" thing, but mommy had some really dark days this month.  Our Nanny passed away.  My sweet Nanny that I sadly never got to take you to meet.  We were planning a trip to Nanny and Pappaw's the weekend after she passed away.  She passed away so quickly.  I thought I was on my way to Baptist Hospital in Little Rock to hear a not so good prognosis from her cancer doctor.  I was mentally preparing myself for hours the night before to "be strong" and not cry in front of her when I heard what the doctor would have to say.  We had watched her be so incredibly strong a few years ago when she was suffering through breast cancer.  On her hardest days she would constantly tell us "I'll be okay"  or "it's not that bad".. I had made it to Mayflower when i noticed the sun peaking through the clouds.  I even (i know i know..) took a picture of it while driving because I thought it was so beautiful.  A few seconds later, your dad called me (I could hear somewhat of a panic in his voice) and he asked how far I was from the hospital... when I told him about 15 minutes he said to be careful but that I may want to drive a little faster because (aunt) Wendi had called him and it didn't sound good.  I got to the hospital and she met me in the parking lot.  I knew as soon as I saw her.  I literally couldn't feel my legs or hands.. I had been so stiff (gripping the steering wheel)..I kept repeating "Lord please get me there quick enough".  It turns out right about the time I was snapping that "beautiful cloud pic" my Nanny was looking my mom in the eyes saying "I've got to do something different".  She was then meeting Jesus, hearing angels singing, entering her eternal home.  She was reuniting with so many of our family members that had already passed.  She was witnessing something we could never dream up.  She was not longer suffering, and she was at peace.
 I was not prepared for what I would see when I got to the hospital.  I was prepared (well, probably not really) to be that strong granddaughter who was going to look my Nanny in the face and give her a big hug and listen to her reassure me that it would all be okay.  I didn't get that.  Though she was no longer with us, I sat for what seemed like hours holding her cold, tan, hard-working hands.  I kept saying "oh sweet Nanny".  I remember thinking there had to be more powerful or more meaningful words, but every time I opened my mouth to speak that's all that came out.  There were many hard days to follow after that one.  The one thing I was certain of, though, was that God gave me you.  Thank you, Jesus for the joyful face that I have here with me to brighten my day when I could easily cry alone on the couch.  Your Nanny loved you more than you'll ever know, Millie. :)  We are pushing on, and we are all doing all we can to be strong because Nanny was strong, and she would never want us to spend a single day unhappy.

A 3 Month Old Drooling Machine!

So... a week and a half ago Millie turned 3 months old!  I guess I will be saying this the rest of her life now, but "WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THE TIME GO??!"..
SERIOUSLY.  How and when did this happen?
I don't even feel like she's the same child---other than the incredible amount of "adorableness" (is that a word? pretty sure not)...and her room-warming smile...
Her eyes are SO blue... her hair has fallen out.. other than a chunk/rat tail in the back that is brown.. the few hairs that have grown back on the top of her hair are light---which her daddy likes.
She is SO long...
At 3 months old Millie LOVES:
-her HANDS and FEET.. she eats her feet and likes to clasp her hands together and put them in her mouth..
-to drool
-to kick anything she can reach with her feet
-for us to sing to her (yeah, I'm sure that will change so soon once she realizes how awful our voices are)
-bath time (melts our hearts)
-to eat
-sleeping  (she mainly "sleeps through the night").. we put her down around 7/7:30, do a dream feed around 10/10:30, then she usually wakes up to eat around 3:30 but goes back to sleep until 6ish... I can live with it, and enjoy every moment I have with her..I LOVE the look on her face after she has just eaten as she is falling back to sleep, but of COURSE I would not be mad if she decided to skip that 3:30 feeding very soon :P
-her light up/music turtle
-her three giraffe toys... one is a lovie, one is a chew toy (no I'm not confusing her with the dog)/lovie, and the other is sophie... the whole giraffe thing wasn't on purpose
-to talk
-to giggle
-the booger snatcher :)
-being outside
-emjay
-looking at other babies
-to be naked
-music
-for us to make funny sounds with our mouths
-to be swaddled in her sleep sack.. she usually falls alseep as soon as we put her arms down in it
-having her picture taken.. she smiles instantly when we hold up the camera or our phone
-to be held standing up
-to sit up


When you first started trying to pull up to sit up I thought I was going to have a panic attack wondering how we got to that point!  I was, of course, so proud of you, but it was hard to think of all the changes that have taken place the past three months.  I know that before we're ready for it you will be crawling and talking like crazy!!
I am almost positive you are about to start cutting teeth .. AHHHH.. that makes this nursing mom a little scared.. haha.. you drool ALL over yourself- we usually change your clothes at least 3 times a day!
You sat up in your bumbo like a champ the first time (a few weeks ago)..
Aunt wendi & uncle britt gave us a jumper--we put you in it last night, but it wasn't your favorite thing just yet!



It has been such a joyous month watching you grow and getting to love on you, sweet Millie!  You have done A LOT of travelling in this third month of your life.  On May 4 we ventured to Little Rock for Saylor's shower.  You did so well on the way there, but got SUPER hot on the way home and the last hour was SO hard... so many tears (from us both, ha).
Two weeks ago, your sweet Nanny passed away.  You were SUCH a trooper (although we were very weary of travelling with you again) and slept most of the way there and back when we went to Marvell for the funeral.  Though it was such a difficult time, I was so thankful you got to meet all of your southeastern Arkansas family!!! While I'm talking about it, let me just say what a blessing it is to have such a joyful and beautiful baby girl (and her daddy) while mourning the loss of such a special lady in my life.  You bring us light on the darkest of days.
This past weekend was cousin Brennan's first birthday (how is that possible???) and we went to Jonesboro Friday- Sunday... again, you did so well in the car! :) WAY TO GO, MILLS!

I am so looking forward to a fun-filled summer of mommy/millie bonding time!!! I also can't wait for you to fall as deeply in love with being at the pool as I am.. YOU BETTER LOVE THE POOL :) haha

Here are a few of our favorite pictures from the past month!

Earth has no sorrows that Heaven can't heal.

As I held Nanny's hand and told her how much I love her, how much I'm going to miss her, and how thankful I am for her I couldn't help but think that her hands tell her whole life story.  If we sat down and thought about all the wonderful, joyful, and difficult things she's done with her hands we would quickly see what a caring and giving woman she is.  Her hands prove that her life was one that was well-spent.

-As a child Nanny used her hands to help her mom and dad on their farm.
-She helped "mother" her younger sister
-Then as a teenager she used her hands to place a ring on Pappaw's finger.  Her left hand housed her wedding ring from Pappaw for nearly 58 years.
-She rocked, changed the diapers, and raised 7 of her own babies
-she patted the bottom and played "ride little horsey down to town" with 14 grand-kids
-she cradled her great grandkids and loved them more than they'll ever know
-she laid her daddy, her momma, brothers, sisters, and daughter to rest


With her servant hands she also:
-planted and picked a garden with Papaw every year
-canned boo-koodles of pickles and handed them out so freely
-made enough jelly to feed all of the tri-county area year after year
-canned anything and everything and entered it in her grandkids names at the fair for so many years so we would have money to put in our "piggy banks"
-picked switches off of her trees to discipline us all.. too many times to count
-put us on the couch to "hug it out" until we got along with each other
-flipped skillets to make pancakes and fried corn bread
-held a ladle to stir millions of gallons of sweet tea so there was always some in the refrigerator if someone came to visit
-scooped out ice cream to make us hound dogs
-turned the tv on to watch wheel of fortune and her "stories"
-drove all of her grandkids to "town" without a driver's license
-shelled purple hull peas until she had purple stains on her fingers
-shucked corn in front of the shop fan
-picked plums
-helped her grandkids go "bottle busting" in the ditches by her house
-dug through the "big house" to find her kids' old softball gloves, balls, and bats so we could have family softball games
-packaged deer meat and fish after every hunt or fishing trip of Papaw and Uncle Wayne's
-prepared food for our family for Sunday lunch for so many years
-hosted the Moore family for the yearly family reunion
-dusted all of her salt & pepper shakers and bells
-picked up pecans and cans so she could get money to hide from papaw
-washed bed sheets to let guests stay in her home
-lifted the deep freeze lid because she didn't think anyone else knew how
-made the biggest pan of dressing I've ever seen every year for Thanksgiving
-made chocolate pies, dishpan cookies, pecan pies, oatmeal and coconut pies, and crescents to please the tastebuds of us all at Christmas
-decorated her miniature Christmas tree
-hid Easter eggs
-sealed tupperware dishes because she always sent some kind of food home with us when we visited her
-planted touch me nots so her grandkids could enjoy popping them
-pinned her white hair back with bobby pins
-braided our hair
-waved until she could no longer see us when we left her house
-talked with her hands. ALWAYS.
-slipped on her house shoes which she never walked around the house without
-hung up the phone after saying "holler if you need me"

And those were the final words I heard her say.  "holler if you need me".  That's who she was.
-She lived a  simple, selfless life.  She was always thinking about someone else.  She was always willing to give more than she even had.  She loved us all so well.  She was and is NANNY.

hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go!

I just know I'll get two lines into this and start bawling.  I can't even believe this ten week stretch of being home with Millie is over.  Ahhh... TEN weeks?? Gone.  like the blink of an eye.  and yep.. here come the tears.  I know- "JUST WAIT".. i honestly HATE that term, but I know her life will just keep speeding past me without me realizing it... HOW SAD IS THAT???
I truly should be looking to the JOYful part of it---I got to take ten weeks when the norm is six weeks for maternity leave.  That's 70 days I got to sit and stare at my daughter without hesitation.  Without worrying about what time I had to wake up in the morning.  Without stressing over whether or not she would let me sleep at night so I would be worth something at work the next day.  Without having to scramble to get things ready the night before to leave her the next day.  70 days without HAVING to leave her (of course for my sanity I did leave the house without her).
And oh, how I have studied her every little part in those 70 days.  I've honestly done a really good job of "soaking it all in", but that may make leaving her even harder??  My favorite thing has always been her nose.  I still love it so much, but now I also really really love her hands--so much chubby cuteness and her nails are already longer than mine (I bite mine... and really need to cut hers).  As I'm rocking her we often talk about "uses" for our hands... well honestly, I do all the talking, but I'm positive she listens :).  I've told her about waving, shaking hands, one of my favorites--EATING... using our hands to write, type, grab and hold things, and using our hands to be THE hands of Jesus... to serve and worship.  I also secretly have told her about using her hands to wear a glove and to throw a softball :)... because I'd really enjoy being a ballpark mom and ballpark junkie again just like I was when I was young!  OF COURSE, I'll love her even if she doesn't love softball as much as I do... but I'll continue to be that voice in her ear until it is unhealthy and I should no longer be "pushing" ideas on my daughter. HA.
The past 70 days have been the best days of my life.  Every day was different.  Every day she was different.  She is so much fun.  SO much fun.
I love the way she looks at me like I am her world.  She is my world.

Everyone says this is the best time to leave her because I won't miss any of her "firsts".  I think it would be hard for me no matter when I went back (as I'm sure it is for most moms.. first timers for sure).  She is starting to discover her hands and feet.  The other day she touched her foot with her hand (on accident of course)...and I couldn't help but think, what if she starts grabbing her feet when I'm not here????......bah petty, I know, but gosh.

Last night when I was running on the treadmill I was having a MAJOR pity party.  Among other things that the devil was covering my thoughts with, I kept thinking about leaving her.  Then, the song "Holy Spirit" came on.  I realized instead of sulking in the fact that I have to spend 5 weeks away from my daughter before summer vacation, I should REJOICE.  Then I forced myself to start listing things in my head that were outright blessings straight from the Lord (that isn't something that is easy to do when you're in the midst of wallowing in things you have no control over but want to feel sorry for yourself over anyway).  When I thought about the next four things I couldn't run anymore.  I got off the treadmill and knelt down by the bed in our guest bedroom.  I thought about Millie.  How easy of a pregnancy I had (minus the throwing up), how easy and quick delivery was,  how smooth of a transition we have made being a family, and how happy of a baby she is.  WHAT A BLESSING.  The second blessing I started pondering (I LOVE THAT WORD) was Ben.  As I was running I looked down at the note he had left me on the treadmill a few weeks ago once I could finally start working out again (and was super discouraged because it was so hard).  It simply said- "I love you.  You're a great mom."  He loves me.  He truly loves me with everything he has, and he genuinely wants to see me happy.  He is the best friend I've ever had.  Thank you, Jesus for showing me your love through him.
Blessing number three was my job.  Isn't that just like God to put something in front of my face that is the root of why I was feeling pitiful in the first place.  My job is one of the most evident "God things" in my life.  After the Lord led me to Ben, he led me to Jerry Pop Williams Elementary.  I was on this year long journey of finding a job after finishing the MAT... I had long-term subbed at Williams and felt like that was the place I was meant to teach.  Finally, the next fall, I got hired, and I have enjoyed every single day since.  Calling what I do a "job" isn't really fitting because I absolutely LOVE where I work, who I work with, who I work for, and the parents and students I'm surrounded by.  Williams Elementary feels more like home to me.  Again, I was saying THANK YOU, Jesus.  The fourth blessing that overpowered my thoughts was Jesus.. dying for me.. on a cross.. a brutal, painful death.  for me.  I recently watched the Passion of the Christ.. I had never seen it.  Wow.  The part that got me most (other than a sinless man taking on every sin of this world) was when He was in the courtyard & the soldiers were whipping him.  Every time I heard them slap the whip I thought of a sin I'd committed (I know we aren't supposed to dwell on them once they've been forgiven) and thought, as I have many times before, those scars on his body were for ME!  Each scar represented a time I fell short, a time I mocked the Lord, or a time I let the ways of the world overtake me rather than choosing to walk in the light.  UGH!
So yeah- I got off the treadmill.. started crying tears of JOY through my THANKSGIVING and PRAISE.. I thanked the Lord.. thanked him that I HAVE a daughter to even worry about leaving,  that I have a husband here to support me and help me through the next five weeks, and that I have a job that I can actually LOOK FORWARD to returning to.

On that note--- I have 24 students (most that i've taught for 2 years) that I CANNOT wait to be reunited with!  I love them like they are my own kids, and I'm thankful to have five more weeks with them before they move on to another building next year.  They have brightened my day on the hardest of days.  They, too, look at me with such innocent eyes and see me for a much better person than I truly am.  Their sweet spirits are wonderful motivation.  I truly think I have the best class at Williams Elementary :).  THANK YOU, JESUS again!  I have also built very strong relationships with their parents.  Most of them are more like friends!

SO I HAVE DECIDED TO REJOICE- to be JOYful in the idea of going back to work.  I know I'm going to cry.  A LOT.  I know it is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I also know that the Lord is going to carry me through each day, and that once I get back into this routine it will get easier!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!


and this doesn't really have anything to do with this post, but I finally found this after searching for MONTHS! I've been looking for it since we left the Majestic concert... it was SO powerful and I just remember standing with my mouth wide open as he read this.  So beautiful.  You HAVE to watch!
If there are words for him- I don't have them
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHQPuok_LnY

MY WORDS POINT TO THE WORD!!!

Easter & 2 months!

Your first Easter! Ahhh.. it amazes me how my perspective of every single little thing in life has changed since becoming your mommy, and Easter is no exception.  I am even more thankful for Jesus' sacrifice and salvation than ever.
This Easter was spent at Gammie & Gampie's church with your daddy's family and your Tone-tone!  It was fabulous!  You slept through the entire service in tone-tone's lap :)
I am so glad we took family pictures BEFORE church because as soon as the service was over we walked in to the foyer at church to talk to emily & grant and you pottied OUT of your diaper all over your dress :))...Mommy got to change her first diaper at church with Tone-tone's help!

what???? TWO MONTHS?..goodness gracious, Mills slow it down, sister!
As if you don't already know, you are the BIGGEST blessing to us (other than our salvation & finding each other)!
Millie, I have always loved babies, but the love I have for you is so unimaginable!  I love you so much it may be unhealthy :P!

At two months old you are a GROWING machine!!
-you grunt-- A LOT!
-you can hold your head up! (sad and glad all at the same time)
-you smile and giggle constantly.  You are seriously the happiest baby!
-you are amazed with ceiling fans & different lights
-you recognize my voice & your daddy's voice
-you follow my voice & some objects with your eyes
-you make a very interesting face when I make a snorting sound like a piggy :)
-you are beginning to discover your legs/feet... meaning you raise them up a lot more and I think you are SO close to grabbing your feet
-you LOVE your piano play mat.  You lay there for so long giggling, cooing, and cackling
-you've discovered the mobile on your swing ... you watch it, smile, and giggle at it
-you wake up SO happy around 6 am each morning & "talk" to us.  It's my favorite time of day.  We stare at you in amazement every single morning!
-you poop/poot SO loudly :))
-it never fails.. every time I change your pee diaper you poop :)
-you have started sleeping longer stretches of time at night.  I won't type how long because I don't want to jinx it ;)
-you still love to eat!
-you love being in the car... you watch yourself in your mirror and laugh the whole time!
-you looove to kick while you are in your car seat ;)
-like most babies you do NOT like the sun in your eyes.. fussy wussy
-you're growing out of your 0-3 month clothes (mainly shirts)
-I think you are one of the happiest babies I have every been around!

It's funny how much easier it was to take this month's picture than last!!  

You had your two month check up on Monday!  You had started getting a rash or what I wanted to believe was baby acne two weeks ago.  I tried to hold out on going to the doctor until your appointment but it just kept getting worse!  So, daddy had the afternoon off on Friday and we took you.  I got super annoyed because we waited for over an hour only for the doctor to talk to us for less than 2 minutes to say "oh yea baby acne wash her face with a mild face wash and it should go away soon"... sooo we did that over the weekend and no change.  As soon as Dr. Benafield walked in the room on monday she said "oh no.. miss millie has a rash"  GERR so I explained to her what happened friday and she said it's definitely not baby acne and gave us a prescription cream.  We've been using it for 2 1/2 days and your face already looks AMAZINGLY better!!!! woo hoo!  It clearly wasn't bothering you or I would have taken you in so much soon, but I'm glad it's gone because it was making me sad!

You now weigh 11.10 pounds and are 23 inches long!!!  You can still wear 0-3 mo clothes, but the 0-3 mo onesies/sleepers are too short!  You are filling out 3-6 mo pants (length-wise)..:)

I go back to work in a week and a half.  I can't type much about it because I've already started to get a little anxiety over it.  I will definitely be happy to be back to see all my co-workers, my students, and to just get out for a little while, but geeee golly when I look at you and think about it I can't help but cry thinking of not seeing you every second of every day! UGHHH.. and that's all I can type right now ;)

Here are some of our other favorite pictures from month 2!

thank you, Jesus for this precious and most beautiful gift!!  We love you, Mills!!!

the weight of every curse upon Him...

This morning I was feeding millie with music shuffling on the computer.  We have an unhealthy amount of kari jobe on our iTunes account so it was no surprise to me that her song Forever came on. I have listened to this song on repeat so many times that i think i may have become numb to the words and their meaning and i hate that.  this song is the most beautiful testament to the crucifixion story in my eyes aside from the Bible.  it so amazingly paints the picture of what a beautiful yet excruciating debt Jesus paid for MY sins.  This morning I wasn't really paying attention to what song was on, but I heard the words "The weight of every curse upon Him"..(or so that's what I thought the song said)...That's where this post comes in.
(forgive my lack of capitalization & typos.. i'm typing most of this with one hand as millie sleeps on my chest :)).  As I sit here staring at her pure and innocent face (and might I add the most adorable face I've ever seen :)), I have this overwhelming conviction that she won't be pure forever.  we are all sinners and someday very soon my daughter will be pulled in by sin--the Bible says we are all born sinners.  no matter how much i pray for her protection from sin she will sin.  As heartbreaking as that is to me, i know that that sin is what is going to form her testimony and make her who she will be and provide gateways to share the Lord's story with the world.  And oh how I pray she will be that light among this dark world.  That's not what this post is about, though.
While i was sitting here thinking about her innocence, I realized that I was once a baby.  I was once that baby that my parents were praying for.  I was once pure--without sin.  it didn't take long, though for me to be tempted and to become the sinner that Jesus paid it all for.  Thankfully, He did pay it all... for ME. NOW I AM A SINNER SAVED BY GRACE.  As the old hymn says "When he was on the cross, I was on his mind".  What a wonderful promise that is and how numbing that is at the same time.  There's no way for me to ever know what a sacrifice took place on  Calvary or what pain He must have felt.  Pain that i will never have to endure.  Does the word pain even do what he felt justice?
 Isaiah 53:4 says:"Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted."  NO... he wasn't being punished by God.. God SENT him.. his sinless, most pure and innocent son to SAVE the world.  To suffer the lowest of all deaths for Me and for You.... 

Today on the anniversary of Jesus' death on the cross (more than 2000 years ago) I am thankful and I rejoice in the hope that he brought to the world.  As he was breathing in pain and suffering He thought of me.  Let us not be mistaken... He did not HAVE to take on our sins or die on that cross.  The Lord could have rescued him at any moment.  He could have rescued him as they nailed his hands and feet to that heavy wooden cross.  He could have rescued him as he carried the cross all the way to the hill of Calvary  and every time he stumbled.  He could have rescued him from the pain of the crown of thorns that he bore for hours.  He could have rescued him from the lashes of the whip that cut into his side.  He also could have rescued him as he took each breath and then collapsed onto the nails holding up his feet and tore through his skin a little more.  BUT HE DIDN'T.  Jesus remained on the cross until his last breath..... with which he breathed the words "Father, forgive them.  For they know not what they do."  -LUKE 23:34

WHAT????  With His final breath after suffering through all of that and more He asked for forgiveness of my sins?  Sins I hadn't yet even committed....but he knew....he already knew my name and how many times and all the ways i would betray and forsake him, and he died to take my place.  

He died to promise that we would never have to suffer for our sins.  It's the most beautiful love story ever lived out or written.

As I think about what this day means I know it is important NOT to forget the crucifixion.  It's important for us to reflect on what a price was paid that day.  However, it is equally important for us to remember HE IS RISEN.  HALLELUJAH... HE IS RISEN!!!

HAPPY EASTER!

The moon and stars they wept
The morning sun was dead
The Savior of the world was fallen
His body on the cross
His blood poured out for us
The weight of every curse was broken

One final breath He gave
As Heaven looked away
The Son of God was laid in darkness
A battle in the grave
The war on death was waged
The power of hell forever broken

The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
His perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting
Our resurrected King has rendered you defeated

Forever, He is glorified
Forever, He is lifted high
Forever, He is risen
He is alive
He is alive