May your eyes get wide when you look at the stars... SEVEN MONTHS

This little light of mine......

Oh, Millie.  You amaze me daily.  You are seven months old, sweet girl!  We have had a busy month around the Willard home... which has actually changed locations... which is part of the chaos that made it a busy month!  :)  Along with busy, I would say that emotional also describes the past month well.

What's new with Millie Willard at seven months?

-You have THREE teeth with a fourth one breaking its way through!!  I promise, it's like you go to bed and wake up with a new one every day...

-starting to pull up on things.. at this point i'm wondering if you'll walk before you crawl!

-"scoot" backwards

-giggle like crazy

-say "dada"... wave and say "Hi" and i'm pretty sure you've got "Yay" down... we say it and clap and you wail your hands in the air and "say" it..

-all teeth grin (adorable)

-give "love"

-eat your feet- pretty sure you can put a whole one in your mouth

-fight your sleep like a mad woman

-can stand with one hand holding on to something

-you weigh 16.12 pounds

-27 inches long

-wearing mostly 9m clothes

 (we surprised tone-tone for her 50th birthday with a PARRRRRTAYYY... you screamed through the whole thing and had poop running up the front and back of your shorts... so that onesie got thrown in the trash once we got to her house after the party.. ha it was cute while it lasted)

 (land clearing day)

(snuggling your giraffe on the car ride home from the beach)

(ha..we stayed at the same condo where mommy and daddy stayed a few years ago)

(goodbye 3871 Song Bird Pl)

You had your first beach vacay this past month too... you were completely adorable on the beach just as you are everywhere else.. you loved the sand (your dad was overly paranoid you were going to eat a fist full of it and die), but were a little timid at the loud sound of the waves.. we hung out at the pool, a lot.  You did take a few naps in your bouncy seat inside the tent on the beach.

Your favorite foods right now are puffs (we've only tried apple cinnamon, but just bought strawberry), peaches, and squash.  You also like water!  You're not very interested in the zippy cup just yet.

When you hear people clapping on tv you think they're clapping for you and get so excited and do the "yay" hand wailing I was talking about.

Things you love:

-still love your giraffe to go "night night" and snuggle

-FOOD

-bouncing

-darla the dragonfly rocker-- now you like to stand at her face and eat her, but you giggle every time we walk in your room and you see her

-sheriff callie

-mickey mouse clubhouse

-swinging... although it is high time we stop putting you in it because you turn your body completely sideways and hang backwards over the side- so i don't leave the room when you're in it 

-having your hair brushed

-lotion

-bath time

-your light up rubber ducky in the bath

-chewing on everything

-wipes boxes

-playing on the floor with us

-your high chair

-EMJAY.. you are so fascinated

-being in the stroller

-to stand up and hold my hands and "shake your booty"

-your carseat... NOT!! HAHA

-sleeping in your crib... again, completely kidding :(

-having your nose and temple rubbed when you're sleepy

-rocking with us

-pulling people's hair

-being tickled

-mirrors (you're so vain)

-when your daddy gets home from work (cutest thing ever)

-for us to hold you facing frontwards-- you kick your feet like crazy. so funny

-..and we are STILL working on you sleeping through the night.... as of last night you slept until 12:30.. cried (well kind of screamed :() until 1:30 and I watched you very closely on the monitor the whole time while your daddy grumbled and growled about how loud i had the monitor turned up and kept complaining... so at 1:30 i went and laid down in your bedroom floor.  You finally fell asleep and slept until 4:30.. tried to leave you but couldn't handle the crying so I got you and put you in our bed :/       -you had the sleeping down for about two weeks.. then we went to jonesboro, went on vacation, and moved and you have been completely inconsistent since all of that (which i don't blame you) so we will get it down, again.  I'm determined!!!

You are too cute for your own good... and your eyes are so beautiful.  Your hair is getting so long  (okay, not long but long(er)) and has a few curls! :))) I am currently obsessed with your hands.  ahhh i love them so much.

It was so hard to leave the home we brought you home to.  The last night I got to rock you I couldn't stop crying!  I kept thinking about walking in the door the day we brought you home.  I walked you straight to your room, and rocked you in the chair as I thanked the Lord for you and prayed the first of many prayers over you as i cried (imagine that).  Your daddy and I went over on Monday (sept 22) to finish up cleaning and walked to each room to say our favorite memories.  So tough, but we know this is all in the Lord's plan, and we have so many more memories to make with you wherever "home" may be!!

We had your 6 month pictures done.  The Benfields nailed it, again!  They're all so precious and such a blessing to have!

http://benfieldphotography.blogspot.com/2014/09/ben-jamie-and-millie-family-portraits.html

I was just rocking you before nap time and happened to glance up at the sign in your room... I left out the part about "and for those who are gone keep their memories alive" because at the time I didn't want something morbid about death hanging in my baby's nursery... but lately i've really been missing my nanny.  The other night your daddy was holding you and you kept reaching for her picture.  It made my heart so so so happy.  I wish so badly that you had been able to meet her.  Anyhoo, as i was rocking you today I thought about how that is still my constant prayer for you.  I love you, sweet girl.

May you live each day with no regret

Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide when you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child’s heart
With the ones you love treasure the time
And for those who are gone keep their memories alive
Hold on to your dreams don’t ever let go
There’s a fire inside you burning with hope

HALF A YEAR OLD...wahhh wahhh wahhh

Mills!!!! You are SIX months old!!  Is this real life?! How???
Though it seems so crazy that six months have passed since you entered this world with the loudest cry I've ever heard (and let me add you haven't cried like that since.. knock on wood), we have had SO much fun!!!  You radiate such joy, Millie Willard.  I feel like every month I say "this is my favorite stage yet".. but it really is!  Let me tell you all the new things you've started doing and you'll see why!!
*You wave!!!  it is the absolute most precious thing when you scrunch your little hand up into a ball and then release it.. I melt.
*You roll all around.. all across the floor over and over..
*You SLEEP!!! OH LORDY, HALLELUJAH, YOU SLEEP... and another fun part of that is how we find you in the morning.. on your belly, pushed up on your hands giggling/smiling and looking around.
*You laugh.
*You scrunch your nose up when you're really happy
*You eat food!!!  Your favorites for the first two weeks were sweet potatoes and bananas.. then we tried peaches and you LOVE them-can't get enough of them.
*You REACH FOR US!... this one was hard because the first person you reached for was your daddy (sad mommy), but I kind of "practiced" it with you until you did it to me too.. ha.. now you do it quite often

What else is going on with you at six months, you may wonder (ha):
-you still love to swing
-you LOVE bath time... getting lotioned up & having your hair brushed
-we changed your schedule up a bit when we decided (okay.. when marci parrott convinced mommy it was high time) to let you "cry it out" (i don't like that term much)... it only took you 3-4 nights and you've got it girl!!!! woo woo... the first night you cried for exactly 47 minutes (I was very proud of myself (and you of course!) because I didn't pick you up.. I had been getting you all of the three times you were still waking in the night), the second about 10, and 10 again the third!  You wake up around 6:30 now and since that's about the time your daddy gets up for work,  I put you in the bed with me and then you get up around 8!  So now you take a bath at night around 8-8:15 and we rock you then put you down around 8:30!
-we have a fun morning routine... when you wake up i change your diaper, put you in the bouncy seat, turn on an episode of mickey mouse clubhouse (I pump blahhh), then after that you eat some cereal and fruits!! :) You looooove Mickey Mouse.. you do a snort you laugh so hard (you're welcome.. that's from me)
-you love going on jogs with me in the jogger!
-you looooove to be outside
-you still watch fans all the time!
-you love EmJay
-you have a little case of "stranger danger"... at your 4 mo appointment dr. benfield said you were very cognitively aware and that your stranger danger was present early... it's hard though because you don't do it with everyone.. and some of the people you do it to makes us (and them) so sad!!
-you can finally wear shoes!
-you're in  6-9 mo clothes.. although the pjs are too short
-you wear size 3 diapers
-your favorite toys are lily the talking frog, a set of chew toy keys, and a light up rubber ducky
-you have TWO TEETH!.. I think you're cutting another one because the drool is back in full force!
-you like to jump in the jumper... very crazily!
-you like for us to read to you.. but not for very long
-you are super nosy!
-you giggle when you poot
-you make funny faces when you poop :)
-you love to watch Sheriff Callie :) mommy likes it too!  you giggle and do your snort when the three singing (what are those things? squirrels.. gophers? I dunno) come on and sing their jingles.. so cute.
-you kick your feet all the time
-you have the most gorgeous big blue eyes I've ever seen..
-you do this HILARIOUS thing as your new means of transportation (other than rolling all over the place like a rollie pollie)... on your back you push your heels into the ground and scoot yourself backwards across the floor. HA! .. i caught it on video today--you went halfway across your nursery floor!

I love you, sweet Millie.

Quick story.. I saved your life.  YEP.  Scariest moment of my life though.  After feeding you solids for a few weeks we decided to try out puffs.  I had you STRAPPED in your high chair (daddy was here, too) and we were feeding you breakfast last Saturday.  You had eaten quite a few puffs and put half of one in your mouth.  You coughed a little.. and I said "are you okay".. IDIOT. AS IF MY ALMOST 6 MONTH OLD WAS GOING TO SAY "YES MOM" OR "NOOOO IM CHOKING! HELP!".. BAHH..  so then you coughed again.  your eyes turned red, face turned red, eyes started to water and you weren't taking breaths.. so i realized no you were not okay and tried to yank you out of the high chair. duh.  You were strapped in (curse those straps.. haven't used them since)... so i hit your back and realized that wasn't going to do anything and swept my finger through the back of your throat and got the puff out.  You looked at me like I was nuts.  Breakfast was over.  :(  Needless to say, we haven't done puffs again...

We HAD to document the day you could finally wear shoes!

We got this rocking chair from Nanny & Pappaw's when we visited a few weeks ago.  So fun!

while mommy was at the women's conference dad decided to have a photo shoot with ya.. ha... sorry about the headband that clashes with the dress, but this melts my heart.

 

mouth wide open and eyes lit up seems to be your signature pose ;)

Your two teeth kept you entertained this month & this is the face you constantly make.  You like to rub your tongue across them.  So funny.

                     

This next month is going to bring more big changes for our little family!!!  Next week you are going to the beach for the first time!  Yay!! Mommy may be a little nervous in anticipation of the car ride.
That's not the biggest change, though.... when we get back from the beach we will have ONE week to move!  Yes.  and as of right now, we don't know where we are moving (insert extremely sarcastic, concerned facial expression here).  You don't know this about me yet, but I am a planner.... plan everything. EVERYTHING.. so not knowing where my family is going to be living in three weeks is a wee bit amusing.
Now, I'm also emotional...so is your daddy.  So when we were signing the closing papers on Friday we shed some tears.  We are both emotionally attached to this home for many reasons--your daddy more so than me because he built it.  This is the home he's lived in the past 7 years... he poured so much time and energy into it... then when we got married it was our first home together and he poured even more time and energy into it making it "ours".  We brought you home to this house, Millie.  We watched you grow and change every single day.  So, we aren't necessarily attached to the home, but the memories and all of the "firsts" we experienced here.
It may be stressful thinking about packing up our home and being out of it in two and a half weeks (when we will be gone every weekend up until them.. bahhh ahha just laugh), but we are so so grateful.  We wanted to sell this house to help provide for your future, and to reach our goal of being debt-free.  Thanks and glory be to God for selling it for us!!!  Yippeeeeeeeee!

MOMMYHOOD & Ephesians 1:15-19

Thursday I was rocking Millie before her morning nap.  I usually turn on music because she LOVES for me to sing to her (so I turn the music on so she doesn't ONLY have to hear my AWFUL voice).  The song a Mighty Fortress by Christy Nockels came on... without even realizing it I was weaping.
Since I can remember, I have been a "worrier".  I seriously worry about the most petty things.  Things I could NEVER control or change.  I'm so ridiculous that I always worry I'll be late for something that I'm usually awkwardly early for everything.  It is annoying.  It's annoying to me.  I know it's annoying to Ben.  I am completely aware that as a Christian I should give everything over to God.  This is one of the hardest concepts for me to grasp.  Matthew 6:34-  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Ahh...Having Millie has taken my "worry" to a whole new level.  We have concrete stained floors in our house.  I CONSTANTLY "worry" (can I just say how much I HATE that word.. ugh) about dropping her.  So much that I play out in my head how awful it would be if I did drop her on the floor (not that she wouldn't be hurt on any other floor, but these would be even worse).  Even deeper than that, I worry about her future.  This worry does have some "good" in it if possible... I do pray for her future every night when I'm rocking her.  I pray the Lord protects her heart.  I pray not only that He protects her heart, but that he teachers her to guard it herself.  I pray that he will teach her to love like he loves and that he "breaks her heart for what breaks his"... I pray she will be compassionate, merciful, full of grace, and full of wonder.  I pray for Millie's future friends.  That they will be fruitful and supportive.  I pray that Millie will be that same fruitful and encouraging friend to others.  I pray for her future spouse--that the Lord will teach them a Christ-centered love and that they will surrender their marriage to Him.. loving each other with all they have and constantly working to make their marriage Christ-honoring.  I pray that she will never be afraid to chase her dreams, that she will allow herself to be herself, that she will have a nonjudgmental mind-set toward others, that she will be a light to the world, and that she will strive to do her best at all she sets out to do.  I pray Millie Willard seeks and finds joy every day in the smallest of ways to the grandest.  

So, when I was rocking her and this song came on I was kind of taken aback.  The Lord literally bonked me on the head and said "If you are praying these things over your daughter, you should pray them in surrenderendst (I made that word up.. you're welcome) to me.  You should pray in trust.  You should pray in faith."   
Thank you, Jesus for taking care of us.

I was reading Praying Circles Around the Lives of Our Children, and Mark Batterson was talking about mantras he and his family have (things they say over and over again..and words they live by).  One of their mantras was "If you drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go man 'cause they're gone."  This may not seem to fit with what I'm saying, but to me it is spot on.  I need to continue to pray these things and more over Millie, but I also need to release them (let go) to God.  I need to trust that he is taking care of her and her life is going to pan out just how he intends.  My role as her parent is to pray over her and to be a Christ-like example for her through my words and actions.  I need to be still and know HE IS GOD.  He is a mighty fortress--none stand against him.. he RULES OVER US with kindness and wisdom.  I pray he pours his wisdom into me all the days I'm here walking through this mommy hood where every day brings new emotions, new feelings, and new wisdom (as well as failures).

So, then.. yesterday I sat down to read my Bible while Millie napped and BAM!. I prayed before I even opened it... "Lord I need your wisdom.  I need your help.  Reveal your words to me"  (in my mind what I meant by "reveal your words to me..." was lead me to scripture/a book of the Bible for mommas... --i even googled "good books of the bible for new moms" HA..{didn't find anything just some suggested devtionals}  which leads me to this WHY DON'T I JUST LITERALLY PRAY WHAT I WANT.. why did i disguise my prayer as "reveal your words to me" when I knew exactly what I wanted him to do????.. anyhoo..)  So, I opened to Ephesians.  Right there in the first chapter I discovered "Thanksgiving and Prayer"  Ephesians 1:15-19   For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.  I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.  
Paul always says it right, doesn't he.. wow.  So well it makes you wish you'd thought of those words.  Thankfully this prayer is printed for us to read, to use, to share, and to meditate on.  Now, this prayer will become part of my life prayer for Millie Willard.  I love the ways of our Lord and how He just pops in at the right moment.

Our God is, a consuming fire, 
A burning holy Flame, with glory and freedom
Our God is, the only righteous judge,
Ruling over us with kindness and wisdom

We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You

A mighty fortress is our God
A sacred refuge is Your Name
Your Kingdom is unshakable
With You forever we will reign

Our God is, jealous for His own
None could comprehend, His love and His mercy
Our God is exalted on His throne
High above the heavens
Forever He’s worthy...

We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You

We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You
So we can set our hearts on You
Lord we will set our hearts on You!



HAPPY SATURDAY!

F I V E months!

Millie Willard you slow it down right now, sister!
This has by far been my absolute favorite month of my life!! You are SOOOOOO fun.  So animated.  So happy.  So full-of-life.  So adorable.
Are you sure you're mine???!!!.... of course you are... every article of clothing and accessory had your name on it at the hospital so we keep telling ourselves there's no way to they could have given us the wrong baby :)).. plus you are starting to look more like your daddy every day.  I'm okay with that... kind of... just promise me you'll eventually have something of mine??

It has been quite a ride this month! SITTING UP on your own... insisting to hold your own bottle when we give you one... having a double ear infection... an eye infection... we even took the infant insert out of your car seat (which makes for a much happier millie when we ride in the car) WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE DID MY NEWBORN GO?? Oh, yeah... can't forget-- YOU HAVE A TOOTH!!!

Watching you sleep is one of my favorite things to do these days--- you clasp your hands together under your chin like the most precious little cherub angel I've ever seen.  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it and of course I cry every time I witness it.  Speaking of sleep--let's just go ahead and talk about that.  You're starting to KIND OF get the hang of it... You are in your crib.  Last week we started putting you down at 9.. let me explain.  The doctor (and most books i'd read) insisted we put you down at 7, dream feed between 10-11, and then you should sleep until 7 am.  You never got that memo.  You'd wake AT LEAST 4 times between 7 and 3:30 and at 3:30 you were up ready to do the chicken dance and party until the sun came up! Silly Girl!  I'd convinced myself that this was the reason the Lord paved the way for me to be able to stay home with you because He knew I'd be getting very little sleep.  I told myself to just buckle up and cease every minute I could spend with you, but I started to get delirious, cranky, and couldn't get anything done during the day because I was so tired.  We changed your bed time to 9 and started putting you down for a nap around 6:45... Since then you have (still woken up 2-3 times, but have gone right back to sleep.. I usually feed you just one of those times.. which is better than what I was doing and feeding you like 3 times throughout the night.. woooo buddy was that rough) slept later and later into the morning.  The first time you woke up at 5:30 am (and believe me we celebrated this because for some reason 5:30 is WAY better than 3:30).. then 6:30 the next day.. then 7 ish... then NINE O'CLOCK???... and now you've started consistently waking up between 6:15-6:45.  THANK YOU.  I know your tooth had to have SOMETHING to do with that inconsistent sleeping pattern and I'm sure the ear infections didn't help either...

Another favorite thing these days is pushing you in the jogging stroller.  YOU LOVE IT.. I think you love that you don't have to be strapped into that silly carseat and the weather the past week and a half has been glorious and you just smile and giggle your way through the breeze.  Thankfully, I'm finally able to run again (slowly but surely) and we can enjoy that time together!

Other things that you love:
-your jumper.. you stay in there for about 20 minutes occupying yourself
-SOPHIE..I don't know what it is about that stinkin giraffe but she has been your bestie
-to swing.. sadly you're about to get too big for the swing :(.. you already fall asleep and end up with your head leaning forward
-to TALK TALK TALK
-TO SMILE.. ALLLLL. THE. TIME.
-to play in the mirror
-for people to sing to you--you stare in amazement!
-to take a bath
-the pool
-lotion
-EMJAY.. You watch her in amazement, too
-you won't sleep without your giraffe lovie... Tone-tone got you a replacement one if the first one goes missing.. thank goodness she did because the weekend she gave it to us we were traveling home from her house and you had quite a BIG accident in your car seat and giraffe love #1 fell victim.. ha
-to sleep on your side
-to giggle
-the booger snatcher
-to wiggle your head back and forth and make a snorty sound when you realize it's time to eat or see a bottle (so hilarious)
-when we let you take naps with us in our bed
-other babies.. you had a playdate with Archer Crawford and Owen Harness and "wouldn't keep your hands off them"... also--you had your first kiss! :).... ha Beckett Helmkamp planted one on ya.. actually he started sucking your lip and you just did a little giggle and let him  HA
-to suck your lips together, to suck your toes, and you have started to suck your thumb much more.. it was funny when you first started because you'd throw your arm out really wide then bring it in to your face and completely miss your mouth a few times before you got it. :)
-the sound machine when you sleep (we just use an old iPhone with the "sleep pillow" app)
-to be outside

You went golfing for the first time with daddy this past weekend.  You had so much fun riding in the golf cart.  The joy on your face scooting in the breeze was so cute.

The next night (7.21.14) I was finishing up dinner and your daddy was holding you.  We were (like usual) gnawing on your hands and drooling like mad and he stuck his finger in and felt a tooth!!!! WHATTTTT??!  I hadn't felt for one in a few days so not sure how long it had been broken through the skin.

You're just the best and as I say every month.. I can't believe you're FIVE MONTHS OLD. :(
I am loving every minute of being home with you, Mills.  Thank you!

Choosing Happy

I don't even know where to begin. I have an overwhelming desire to write this post because I feel like i just need to get every thought I've been feeling the past month out. Joy. Disappointment. Hope. Discontentment. Excitement. Anxiousness. Fear. Sorrow. Thankfulness. Desperation. Overwhelming feeling of blessedness (is that a word)..... I've felt it all. I wish I could blame this on the roller coaster that is being a mom but there's so much else to take into consideration. Aside from my eternal salvation and my marriage, Millie Everett Willard is the most amazing blessing in my life. The joy that radiates from her eyes is heart wrenching. I pray that light and joy is ever present in her life.

I guess I do know where I should begin.. And that's by saying I should have been diagnosed with ADD a LONG time ago- I'm not saying that to be funny. I don't take that lightly because I know so many sweet kiddos [and adults] that struggle with it. I know I have it. I'm just afraid to hear a doctor say it because I hate for my body to depend on medicine. On a given day I think my brain does about 5 million jumping jacks. So this post may make this obvious.

I LOVE MY DAUGHTER. I wouldn't change a single thing about the past four and a half months.   Not even the sleepless nights. I know that "trials of this life are His mercies in disguise"  the past month and a half Millie has decided to stop sleeping. I love sleep. I wish she did. I REALLY wish she did. We found out poor baby has a double ear infection last Monday so a lot of her sleeplessness can be accredited to that. The rest of it is MY FAULT. She is my first child (and we are thinking our only) and I just was not ready to let her out of touching distance at night. She slept in the rock n play until almost three months. Then we moved her to the pack n play- both in our room. On my side of the bed. The pack n play sleeping went on the past month. Sleep has been a huge hazy blur for me. I couldn't imagine letting her "cry it out"- I just felt like I'd be abandoning her when she needed me. But I got desperate. I let her cry for an hour straight one night and sweet girl still did not go to sleep :(.

After she got the ear infection the doctor suggested letting her sleep upright. So I let her sleep in her swing two nights-- she only woke up once both nights.. As opposed to her normal SEVEN. Yep. Seven. Again- my fault. She has been relying on "sucking" as her soothing method to get back to sleep and oblivious me let it go on too long before realizing it.
So now she is in her crib. Wow what a night we had last night. EIGHT crying wakings. Then up at 3:30 and ready to play. Only sleeping a few five minute stretches until 8:30... Mmm hmmm. Also at 6:30 I got the swing to put in our room in hopes that both of us could get some sleep... Changed her diaper (she was laying on our bed) and I literally thought to myself- the only way this could get any worse is if she peed on our bed. YEP!!! :(((. Millie I'm not writing this to make you feel bad.  I'm writing it because I know one day very soon this will make us all laugh. I know this is just a season and I am sinking my toes in because I'm determined not to wish a single moment away. I love you... See. So many emotions.

I also have this terrible "disease" where I constantly want to FIX things that I have no control over. The only thing I can usually contribute to the situation is a shoulder to lean on and a prayer. Right now the thing I'm lugging around is wishing I could take away the pain and grief from my mom and papaw (and the rest of the family) of the loss of my Nanny. I see their pain and I hear their daily struggles and I just so greatly desire to help and take it away. I know their pain right now is part of the grieving process but I wish they didn't have to feel it.
Another thing I want to fix is having my family near me. I still cry every single time I leave them. I constantly worry about my mom - she truly would do anything for anyone- especially her family and I pray so often that she would just find JOY in this life.

Told you this post was going to be a doozie. Speaking of doozie- a double doozie from great American cookie sounds SO good right now

Now. Let me come down from my ridiculous ranting podium and THANK THE LORD for my family that I wish I lived near, for my daughter who i am not sure what this life would be like without, for my husband who wipes my tears, lifts me up, and always makes me laugh , for my home that we've made so many memories in that The Lord helped us sell, and for bens family who has always welcomed me in. I truly realize how WONDERFUL I've got it.....  My complaints and "ailments" are so petty as I sit and think about children in Rwanda who just want to be fed and loved, about widows who yearn to hear their husband's voice again or feel his touch, and for sweet couples who have lost their babies or who have tried for years to have a family. Lord would you heal the hearts of those, hug them with your righteous hands, and lord, give them hope for the path you are paving for them.

1 Peter 1:3-6

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,  and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you,  who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

I am so incredibly blessed that I have what I have. My prayer for myself today is that I would get so wrapped up in my blessings that when I wash my makeup off tonight my smile won't fade. That I'll see the JOY in every situation and that I will be THANKFUL.
I went to visit my mom last week and on the way home Sunday Ben and I listened to a focus on the family about "choosing happy".                    
John Maxwell spoke about how joy is a choice. We don't get to choose our circumstances but we can choose our attitude. There were so many great quotes that I wish I could remember but the central message was that we are as happy as we allow ourselves to be. Today I'm choosing happy.